Second Chances
by Decadebaby
Summary: As their anniversary approaches, Mike and Jill are faced with the past, and with a future.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is my second Rookies story. Like many fans, I wanted to be Jill Danko when I was ten! :) The Rookies came on Saturday mornings from 10 - 11 a.m. when I was a kid (reruns). My sister and I loved to watch it but often missed the end because our mom always said, "That's enough tv!" Click! Our protests that Jill was being held hostage fell on deaf ears. I bought both the first and second season recently and wish that I could get the third and fourth too. I am, therefore, at a writer's disadvantage - I haven't seen the last two seasons since I was ten and even then I might only have seen the first half of the episode! If I make any errors it is only due to lack of knowledge. Hope that you enjoy, and please review! It is always good to know what other fans think of your stories._

_****R****_

Mike Danko was finding the entire situation hilarious. He had finally realized that _he _was going to have to be the one to tell his wife and not the other way around. He watched her from across the room, as she tried to hide yet another yawn. He would have told Terry no when he'd asked if they were coming out tonight. He knew Jill would be too tired, but Terry had asked her, not him. And she was determined to prove to him that she was just fine, and of course ready for a night out with friends. It was all she could do to stay awake, as she stood beside the bar, sipping what appeared to be a club soda. _Good girl_, he thought. That choice alone proved what he already suspected - she knew - but for whatever reason couldn't admit it. He couldn't help but smile studying her. She looked beautiful dressed in a blue dress that flowed down to her ankles. She was always stunning - even now; even exhausted.

She caught him looking at her and plastered a wide smile across her face. He didn't know why she bothered to try and fool him. They'd been married nearly seven years. She was the blood in his veins and trying to fool him was like trying to lie to herself.

He decided, under the circumstances, to let her off the hook. It was the least he could do seeing how the whole thing was pretty much his fault.

"Hey, Babe, I'm kinda beat. You mind if we get out of here?" He asked as he slid an arm around her waist.

"Sure, honey. I don't mind." She said nonchalantly, but he could see the relief she was trying to hide.

"You sure?" He asked again enjoying himself far too much.

"I'm a little tired myself." She admitted. "That flu really wiped me out."

***R***

Later that night, he watched her thoughtfully as she climbed into bed beside him. He hadn't yet decided if she were deliberately hiding it from him or if she hadn't figured it out. It was hard to believe she didn't know. She snuggled close to him, resting her head on his chest.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Too old for late nights, maybe."

"Well, _I'm_ in real trouble then." He laughed. "You aren't even thirty, babe."

"Soon enough." She sighed.

"You sure there's nothing you wanna talk about?" He asked again, sliding his hand along her hip, his hand resting on her stomach. She self-consciously pushed his hand away from her tummy.

"No. There's nothing. Is something bothering you? I'm just really tired. I can't seem to shake that flu. Every time I think I'm well, I feel sick again."

"No. I don't have anything . . .I was just . . ." He looked down at her pale face. She looked so sleepy. "You just go to sleep."

He kissed her and she rolled over onto her side, away from him.

***R***

He waited until she was asleep and then went out onto the patio, a beer in hand. It was barely nine. He wasn't tired in the least. He stood thoughtfully trying to decide when he should talk to her. Now wasn't the best time. This was a shaky time of year for them. Their anniversary was in just two weeks. He looked forward to it with equal amounts of joy and dread. He tried to stay focused on that day when she'd put her hand in his, and agreed to stay by his side until time itself ended, but it was hard to overlook what followed just a few years later. All the good parts of that day seemed to have been swallowed up by the other anniversary it marked.

Three years old. That's how old their baby would be by now. Three. Walking and talking - playing. Did kids talk at three? He wasn't sure. It wasn't something he would know. He sighed and lifting the bottle took a swig of beer.

Jill had assumed that he'd wanted a boy - Michael Danko, Jr. But in truth, when he thought of their lost baby, he imagined a girl in long pigtails with huge brown eyes. Their anniversary had become so difficult - especially that next year. It was hard not to get swept into the past and what might have been. Over time, they'd made a kind of peace with their anniversary - last year was the first time that Jill hadn't spent a minute of it in tears - a small victory. But it still filled him with an uncontrollable rage; that one jackass could leave such a terrible and long-lasting imprint on her; - him, too, he supposed.

He hadn't known about the baby. The first time he had heard of it was to be told that it was forever lost. He hadn't had time to process it, then. He was still reeling from seeing Jill fall to the ground, shot. The first words the doctor had spoken him had left him shaking and crying - so relieved to know that she would live! He felt his legs turn to jelly, and wanted nothing more than to step away from everyone and weep as though he were a small child, but the doctor had kept speaking.

"_Then there was the baby." He said to him. "We lost it. I am sorry."_

Baby.

Mike had been stunned. He felt as though he'd been hit. Baby? Their baby? She hadn't said a word, but then he remembered that she had started to tell him something as they waited for that table, but she had stopped herself.

Later, seeing her so broken, so hurt - he had focused only on her and proving that their loss wasn't just random - that life had patterns and meaning. He'd been so determined to fix it; to fix her and undo the damage that monster had inflicted. He was driven by his guilt. He'd taken her there. He'd insisted on that damn table. It _still_ ate him up. It haunted her - haunted them both.

He leaned on the railing looking out into the darkness. Even now. Everything was backwards. She was either avoiding what she had to know because her fear was so strong, or she was afraid to say it - afraid of how it would hurt him. He rubbed a hand over his face suddenly so weary. He felt like an old man sometimes.

He tried not to think about what it would mean - right now he was only focused on her, and why she was ignoring the obvious. - she was a nurse for God's sake! If he allowed himself to really truly think about it, he found himself filled with joy and terror. The weight of the responsibility of it all and the unimaginable hope and future was too much to take in right now.

It was hard not to think about how different things would have been. It wasn't just that they would be the parents of a three year old right now, but all the fight and struggle they had gone through to recover from it all would never have happened - would never have had to be. He could remember clearly the first anniversary after Wainz - he had wanted to do something to make it special, but there was no way in hell he could take her to a restaurant. Instead, he had packed a picnic and taken her to a nearby park. But it had been so difficult. Neither one of them could relax. Neither one of them could really enjoy the day - too lost in memories of where they'd been just a year earlier. The whole time she struggled, trying not to be sad; desperately trying to be brave for his sake. And the whole time he struggled with every sound, every person at the park - he'd been hypersensitive to every movement - unreasonably terrified that someone would hurt her.

In the end, they'd gone home after twenty stressful minutes. She had sunk into their sofa, her head down, her shoulders shaking.

"_Baby," He'd said sitting beside her. "Hey, honey . . ."_

_She looked up at him, and he'd been surprised to see her laughing._

"_I'm sorry." She said shaking her head at him. "We are just the most pathetic people I know!" She continued to laugh. "You, trying not to flinch at every single sound. Thank goodness you didn't have your gun! And me, trying to act like it's just an ordinary day."_

_He nodded his head, surprised to find himself laughing too. "We are kind of a sad pair."_

"_Happy anniversary, Mike." She had said wrapping her arms around his. _

_He had opened his mouth to say it back to her, and then to kiss her, but instead found himself weeping. It was as if some sort of damn inside him burst at just that moment. He was embarrassed and ashamed that he was crying like a small boy. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close to her, whispering soft encouragements. He was so ashamed!_

"_I'm sorry." He said pulling away from her, and hiding his face with his hand. "I don't know why . . . I can't seem to . . ." He tried with all his might, with all his strength to stop the tide of tears that washed over him, but found he was powerless._

"_Don't." She said gently. "It's okay, Mike. It's okay."_

"_I shouldn't be . . .you're the one who . . ." He covered his face, but she pulled him to her again. Her arms were tight around him and he buried his face in her shoulder - both deeply comforted by her, and deeply angry at himself for being so weak._

"_It wasn't just me, sweetheart." She said softly. "He hurt us both. You don't have to pretend for my sake."_

"_I just . . ." He sat back so that he could see her face. "I took you out. It was my . . .I should've just taken whatever table they gave us, but I had to be the big man. And you . . .God, baby! You nearly . . . and I would've. I couldn't . . ." He found words impossible._

"_It wasn't your fault!" She said sternly. It was conversation they been having over and over again. "Michael! We both wanted that table. And that isn't why it happened! It was a decision he made. It had nothing to do with us or our choices!"_

_He had said nothing, simply clung tightly to her, trying so hard to get his tears to subside. It seemed as though he would never stop crying. At least here, in her arms, he was safe. She wouldn't think less of him. At least, she understood it; the searing pain. He thought of how grateful he was that she was still there. It could so easily have gone the other way. He couldn't have managed that. He wanted a hundred years with her - more._

_He finally managed to get a grip on his emotions, and sitting back again, looked into her beautiful, kind brown eyes which were filled with tears._

"_I'm sorry." He said again. "I know it was his fault, but, Baby, I'm sorry just the same. And I know I don't say . . ." He swallowed hard. "You will be such a good Mama, honey. I know I didn't . . ." He took a deep breath, struggling, remembering the things he'd never said to her; too broken and too fearful of how fragile she was. "They told me you would live and then one second later they told me about the baby. I didn't have time too . . ." His voice was thick. "It was the best anniversary present, honey. I would've been so happy. I would've loved our baby, and I never even told you that."_

All in all, it had been a horrible anniversary. He was so happy to have her still with him, and yet they were both still so shattered by it too. They had wept together and he'd been so relieved when the sun had come up the next morning knowing it would be another year before they'd have to face that horrible day again.

That was what their anniversary was like - a yearly reminder. And now, it just didn't seem to be the best time to confront her, and point out what was so ridiculously obvious. She _had_ to know. It worried him. He thought she could tell him anything, but this, she was holding back.

He lifted the beer bottle, surprised to find it was empty. He glanced at the clock inside and couldn't believe he'd been lost in the past so long. He went back inside and nearly walked right past Jill who was sitting on the couch.

"What are you doing up?" He asked surprised.

"I woke up." She said. "And then you were gone so I came out here."

"Why didn't you say anything?" He asked.

"I did. You didn't hear me."

"I'm sorry." He said kneeling beside her. "You feeling okay?"

"Little queasy." She sighed. "But it is three in the morning. I'm probably just tired."

"Jill," He said gently, running a hand across her face. "Honey, you don't think maybe . . ."

She rose abruptly. "I'm so sleepy. Let's go to bed."

He chuckled softly watching her as she walked away. Her will was like iron! It would be hard to make her face something if she really didn't want too. He remember what Ryker was forever pointing out to him; Jill Danko was just about as stubborn as they come. This was _not_ going to be easy.


	2. Chapter 2

"I said turn _right_." Terry said for the third time to Mike.

"What? Oh, sorry." Mike said swinging the car around to make a u-turn.

"Maybe I should drive." Terry said. "You seem a little stressed out."

"Yeah, maybe you should." Mike agreed.

"What?" Terry looked at Mike stunned trying to think of a time when Mike had actually let him drive. "Hey, Mike is something wrong? You mess things up with Jill?"

"No." Mike sighed. "I just . . .sorry. I guess I woke up cranky." He grinned at Terry. "Just your luck to ride with me today."

"Oh, I'm a lucky man alright." He laughed, but seeing the worried expression on Mike's face added, "Look, if you did something stupid, just tell her you're sorry. She'll forgive you - eventually."

"Yeah. I know." Mike said not wanting to explain what was wrong.

***R***

"Danko!" Ryker's familiar bellow stopped Mike Danko in his tracks. "Get in here."

He stepped into the Lieutenant's office and stood before his desk.

"You misfiled three of your reports and Webster says he had to talk you down from arresting an eight year old boy for riding his bike on the wrong side of the street."

Mike hung his head, saying nothing.

"That's it? You got nothing to say?"

"I don't know. Webster was right." He shrugged his shoulders.

"You got something you wanna say?" Ryker asked. "'Cause if you can't get it together I'll have to pull you off patrol before you do something stupid." He rose and came around to the front of his desk. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just, I'm just a little off my game." He shook his head, ashamed.

"A little? I got nothing but complaints the last week or so. People are saying you're distracted and short-tempered. I gotta tell you, the combination of those two things don't exactly mix well for a guy who carries a gun for a living."

"Yeah, I know." Mike agreed but offered no explanation.

"Jill alright?" Ryker asked concerned.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Mike asked irritated.

"Well," Ryker grinned. "You aren't a really complicated guy. If she's not right, then neither are you. Listen, if you did something wrong, just tell her you are sorry. She'll forgive you."

"No." He sighed. "It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it?" Ryker asked his arms crossed over his chest.

"Is the boss asking?" Mike asked with eyebrows raised.

Ryker hesitated. Their relationship was a somewhat complicated one. He had allowed himself to get a little too attached with his first group of rookies. Of course, it was unusual to follow your trainees out into the field so becoming attached was understandable. He didn't regret his friendship - especially with the Dankos - he loved Jill like a daughter; like the daughter he'd lost. Still, being close to them made things complicated sometimes. He glanced up at the clock.

"Well, the boss just went off-duty."

Mike glanced at the clock. "Me too." He grinned at Ryker.

"So, you gonna tell me what's making one of my best cops completely fall apart?"

"I don't know if . . ." Mike sighed. "It's a crappy time of year for us, you know?"

Ryker looked puzzled at first and then thinking hard said at last, "Wainz?"

"Yeah. It's the stupidest thing. It's been years, but I dunno. Maybe that's the problem. It was our anniversary. Every year, we remember it. Every year she thinks about what might have been. We'd have a three year old."

"Mike, I'm sorry. I didn't think about . . ."

"No. Why should you? It happened to us, not you. It shouldn't affect me this much though. I got a job to do."

"But it wasn't like this last year." Ryker considered. "Why is it worse this year? Wainz got turned down for parole. I was there at the hearing with you and with Jill."

"No, it isn't that." Mike leaned against the desk. "Listen, you can't say anything, but Jill's pregnant."

"What?" Ryker smiled. "But that's good news!" He clapped Mike on the back. "Why didn't you say so! That's enough to throw any man for a loop!"

"You can't say anything." Mike repeated.

"You want to keep it to yourselves for a bit. I understand." He smiled at Mike.

"No, it isn't that. It's that, well, Jill doesn't know."

Ryker's eyes opened wide in astonishment. "_Jill_ doesn't know? _You_ know, but _she _doesn't know? Mike, I don't know if your father ever explained things to you but that's not how it works.

"No," He ran a hand over his face, feeling the impact of the stress he'd been carrying for nearly two weeks now. "I mean, of course, she knows. She has to. It's just that she won't admit it. She hasn't said anything, and if I even hint at it, she runs off. I think she's just really scared."

"That's a pretty serious case of denial." Ryker said.

"You're telling me." Mike agreed. "I understand it. It's pretty bad timing. I mean three years ago she was waiting for our anniversary to tell me, and now . . ." He sighed again. "She's just scared. That's what I think, and Jill doesn't like scared."

"No, she doesn't." Ryker agreed.

"I can't decide if she knows but won't tell me, or if she knows but won't admit it to herself. I dunno. I'm no shrink! I don't know what to do. And it's got me all distracted and stressed out."

"I noticed." Ryker admitted.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Well, you aren't a machine. You're a husband as well as a cop, and from what I've observed you're a pretty damn good one." Ryker sat back in his chair. "I'll tell you what. I'm gonna pull you off patrol for the next couple days - for your own sake. Why don't you take Jill up to the lake house? When's the last time you both had a couple days off together? You get away from everything and she'll get talking. She can't help herself."

"Well, that's pretty generous, but I don't know if she can get the time off."

"That head nurse is pretty sensible, isn't she? Talk to her. Or if you want, I'll call her."

"You?" Mike looked up surprised.

"I sort of led her to believe I'm family." He grinned sheepishly.

"You are family." Mike said seriously. "I'll talk to her."

"Tonight. Call me when you know." Ryker said. "I'll pull you off effective immediately. Of course, that will look like you got suspended, and . . ."

"That's fine." Mike interrupted. "I'd rather that than having to explain."

"Fine by me. I need to maintain the image of the grumpy curmudgeon." He grinned at Mike. "Besides we can't have you on the streets right now - you are way too distracted. You're gonna be a father." He rose and patted Mike on the shoulder.

Mike looked up surprised. In all his worry, and anguish over Jill, he hadn't had time to really think about that. Father. Him. His eyes must have held some of his reaction because laughing Ryker said, "Feeling pretty terrified just now, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Mike admitted.

"Don't worry. You'll do great. You do well at everything you set your hand, too. This'll be no different."

"It's a lot to wrap your mind around." Mike said looking at the older man.

"It is." Ryker agreed. "I sure hope that baby looks like Jill!"

"Me too." Mike agreed with a grin. "Thanks a lot Lieutenant. Especially for the house. Jill loves it there, and you are right. Maybe if we get away, she can relax."

"It's no big hardship. It's sitting empty just now. Actually, you are doing me a favor. It keeps thieves away if it seems that someone lives there."

Mike smiled as he walked away from Ryker's office. He understood why the man had downplayed his generosity toward them. He had realized early on that Ryker loved Jill as a daughter, and when Jill had told him the story of Ryker's daughter, he understood why. Besides, it wasn't hard for him to understand why anyone would love Jill. And it was good for her too. Her parents were long gone, so she needed Ryker too. As for the two of them, well, Ryker and he managed the best they could - no doubt navigating a complicated relationship just as well as any son who worked for his father-in-law could.

He went into the locker room to change. Jill was probably already off work by now. He could stop by the hospital and talk to the head nurse in person.


	3. Chapter 3

"Did I do something wrong?" Jill asked Head Nurse Conners.

"No." She looked up from the pile of paperwork she was shifting through. "At least, not that I know of - is there something you want to tell me?"

"No." Jill sighed frustrated. "I just don't understand. The schedule was already set. Why did you pull me out of the rotation?"

"It isn't really any of your business, Nurse Danko." The Head Nurse said abruptly. "Your job is to work the shifts that you are assigned."

"But I was prepared to work those shifts, and now I've been pulled off the floor." Jill argued stubbornly.

"Jill." Nurse Conners said irritated. "Don't throw a tantrum! Listen, Karen's daughter is getting married next month. She could use the overtime to help pay for the wedding. You don't want her daughter's wedding to suffer just so you can work three shifts?"

"You could have just told me that in the first place." Jill said irritated.

"You could've just trusted me." She raised an eyebrow at Jill. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"What are you talking about?" Jill asked sharply.

"I'm just saying. If there's something you want to talk about. I can make time."

"No." She wrinkled her brow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You feeling okay?" Nurse Conners asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. The flu really did me in, but I think I might be over it."

"Flu?" Nurse Conners asked.

"Yeah, I had it . . . ."

"Jill that was over a month ago." Liz Conners said with a slight grin. "But you have still been feeling queasy, right? And you've been pretty tired, too?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Jill said abruptly, and turning quickly added. "I'd like to finish my shift, if that's okay with you."

Liz Conners said nothing, deciding that extreme circumstances could allow Nurse Danko a little bit of insubordination. She'd been worried about her for weeks now, and when her husband had stopped by asking for some time off, she'd been quick to say yes. Jill Danko was the best nurse on the floor, and it would be a shame to lose her - even if it was for maternity leave.

***R***

Jill Danko stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She avoided her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't avoid the slight rise of her stomach. She hoped no one else could see it. It wasn't like she'd gained fifty pounds. She had gained four pounds, but it was how those four pounds had settled on her. She sighed, sliding into a pair of jeans and one of Mike's old t-shirts. His shirt comforted her somehow. She wasn't looking forward to telling Mike that she'd lost three days. She hoped he didn't ask why. Jill felt guilty for how distracted she'd been lately, and knew that Liz was just being kind. She had not been herself lately; she'd been slow, tired, and easily irritated. She felt as if she were becoming unraveled and deep down inside, she knew that slight bump hiding under Mike's t-shirt was the reason why.

She knew deep down she was avoiding the obvious. She was also aware she wasn't going to be able to avoid it much longer. She had always been rail thin; a skinny, knobby-kneed girl and a ridiculously slender adult. Mike always teased her about her inverse stomach. It already was no longer flat, and soon would be rounder. It wasn't that she was unhappy about it all, but rather that she was terrified history would repeat itself. And so she shut her eyes, her mind and her heart to the truth. She could deal with it later; _after_ their anniversary.

She pulled her long hair into a simple braid that fell down her back, and went into the front room. She was surprised to have beaten Mike home. She had thought he got off before her. She went into the kitchen to check on the roast she was cooking. She hoped he wasn't too late.

She had just set the table when he came in the door holding a bouquet of roses.

"Hey, Babe. Sorry, I'm late." He said handing her the flowers and kissing her cheek.

"What's this for?" She asked him.

"No reason." He smiled at her and disappeared into the kitchen. "That smells good! I skipped lunch. I'm starved!" He came back into the room, a beer in hand.

"Well, wash up. It's ready." She said smiling at him.

"Yes, ma'am." He held his beer up in a salute, and setting it on the table, disappeared in the back. She could hear him humming from the front room. She brought the roast, corn and potatoes to the table, and had just sat down when he came in. He stood behind her chair and leaning down kissed her cheek.

"That looks great." He said sitting across from her. "So, how was your day?"

"The usual." She said watching him pile his plate with food. Her stomach pitched and rolled suddenly. She put a roll on her plate.

"Not hungry?" He asked her.

"I had a big lunch." She lied. "How were things on the cruel streets?"

"Well, I tell you. I haven't had the best days lately. Yesterday was pretty brutal. Seemed like every time I turned around, I was telling somebody sorry for something. I couldn't do one thing right."

"You seem awfully cheerful about it." She said surprised. Mike was quick to beat himself up over his mistakes.

"Yeah, well, I was pretty down, but then Ryker called me in and told me he was giving me the next three days off." He smiled at her. "And then he gave me the keys to the lake house."

Jill's eyes widened in surprise.

"Of course, it would only be good news, if you actually had a day off too." He continued happily. "Anything you want to tell me about work, baby?"

"Michael Danko!" She said utterly stunned. "Did you call the head nurse?"

"I don't know what you mean." He grinned at her.

"She pulled me off rotation for three days." Jill said disbelieving.

"Well, ain't that a coincidence!" He laughed. "I'm gonna eat every bit of this roast, sweetheart, and then you and I, are gonna get packed."

He smiled up at her before putting another forkful of roast into his mouth, feeling lighter and more at peace than he had in days.

"Mike! You can't just . . ." She sputtered still shocked.

"Three days up at the lake - just you and me." He said. "Are you really gonna complain?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"No." She said with a smile as she accepted her fate. "I don't have time for complaining, I've got to pack."


	4. Chapter 4

Jill Danko stood barefoot on the back deck overlooking the lake. Although the planks beneath her feet had been warmed by the sun, there was still a chill in the early morning air. She had risen early, unable to sleep. She had first been hit with a horrible wave of nausea but now, nearly forty-five minutes later she felt almost normal or at least a new version of normal. But feeling ill or not, she didn't want to waste the beautiful lake.

Soft footsteps behind her, and the smell of coffee, which made her stomach churn, warned her of Mike's approach. He set his coffee cup down, and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her cheek. "I didn't hear you get up." He said. "You alright?"

"You missed a beautiful sunrise. Although, I'm probably going to need a nap later."

"You can have a nap right now, if you want." He said moving around to stand in front of her, leaning against the porch rail.

"I just might." She said with a laugh.

"You want some breakfast? I'll cook for you." He grinned at her.

"No, thank you." She said quickly.

"Not hungry?"

"Not just now."

"It wouldn't be any trouble." He told her. "I like taking care of you."

He smiled at her, but she just shook her head. He knew her well, better than anyone, and she recognized that he was being patient; waiting to see how much longer she would run from him.

Sighing, she looked out at the lake, and her peaceful feeling began to fade, replaced with an uneasy, anxiousness. It wasn't a negative feeling really, but rather a nervousness about the future; everything was about to change.

"Hey, Babe," He said gently. "You want to talk?"

She looked up into his blue eyes. It was a mistake. If she was going to keep running she shouldn't have looked into his eyes. She couldn't resist his eyes; she'd never been able to. Sometimes he came across as gruff or harsh, unless you looked into his eyes. His eyes were warm, gentle and so filled with love. She had worried that after he returned from 'Nam, the sweet gentleness would be gone from those piercing eyes, but other than a deep, underlying sorrow that slowly faded over time, his eyes remained unchanged. She had been so relieved that he came back to her whole - to have served and fought, and yet still had those sweet, kind eyes. And she couldn't believe her luck, either. They were so content with each other. They fought and argued, like anyone else, she supposed, but they were happy together. Even after all these years, seeing him, still made her heart flip.

"Honey?" He asked and she realized she'd been looking at him, saying nothing for a long time.

"What do you want to talk about?" She asked softly not quite opening the door that she'd been keeping closed for well over a month now.

He sighed, and smiling kissed her cheek and said with a chuckle, "I love you, Jill. I really, really do." He shook his head at her, wrapping his arm around her and holding her close to his chest.

"Mike," She said, her eyes filling with sudden tears. "I don't know if I can . . ." She wiped at her eyes. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"You don't?" He asked looking down at her. He wiped a tear away with his thumb. "I do." He squeezed her close, and then kissed her forehead. "Come on,honey," He hesitated seeing how tired she looked and how fragile. "Why don't you go lie down? We can talk later, okay." He rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling her tense body relax at his words.

"Okay." She whispered softly. "I promise that later . . ."

"Don't worry about it Babe, when you are ready. I'm not going anywhere."

Leading her inside, he tucked her back into bed. He knew she was just about ready to face the truth and he could have probably pushed her, but he didn't want to do things halfway. He never did. He had told her exactly that when he'd proposed. He wasn't a man to live with a girl, and not put a ring on her finger and sign a legal document committing to her until the end of time. She could rest and then they would talk and he would do things right.

He leaned against the doorway watching her sleep, stunned again by her beauty. She was ridiculously beautiful. He couldn't figure his luck on that one. Everywhere they went people turned around to look at her. He was equally terrified and hopeful that they would have a girl; she would no doubt be a beauty, but he was frightened to think of _his_ daughter surrounded by a pack of horrible boys.

"Are you staring at me?" She asked with eyes still closed.

"Yeah." He admitted.

"It makes it kind of hard to sleep."

"You're so beautiful." He said softly. "I'll never get tired of it, Babe."

"Michael."

"Alright, alright." He said turning to go. "You can't blame me, though."

***R***

The late afternoon sun, slanting through the curtains, was the first thing Jill Danko saw when she opened her eyes. The second was Mike Danko. She smiled up into his face.

"I was wondering if you were gonna sleep straight through." He said, sitting beside her on the bed.

"I'm sorry!" She said pulling herself up and glanced at the clock, shocked to see it was after four. She started to rise, but he shook his head.

"Naw, baby, it's okay. Take your time."

She leaned back against the pillows and reached for his hand.

"Not much of three days off together - watching me sleep." She said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it. You were worn out. Besides, you are beautiful even asleep. I'm just glad you got some rest. You need it. You've got reason for it." He smiled at her saying nothing for a long minute.

"What?" She asked after a few minutes, uncomfortable under his gaze. "What are you smiling at?"

"You." He said giving her a kiss. "I got you a present."

"A present?" She asked. "That's a good way to wake up. What is it?"

He handed her a very small box. Laughing, she accepted it greedily. Jill loved presents. Her face lit up and it was easy to imagine her a small girl at Christmas.

She opened the box, expecting to find jewelry, but instead found a key. She held it up with a wrinkled brow. "What is . . ."

Mike drew in a deep breath, and moved closer to her. "I love you, Jill. It's been, well next week it will be seven years, and I love you more now than I did that beautiful day I married you. I don't know what I'd ever do without you. It's like you are the air in my lungs, ya know? And you've put up with so much. I can't imagine what it must be like waiting to make sure I make it home every day. I know you worry. I know you worry all the time." She ducked her head, avoiding his eyes.. "But you never ask me to quit - not once. You take me as I am - even when I get all absorbed in a case, and neglect you. And I know how hard this is for you - this time of year - it's so hard for us both. I get so angry when I think about how we can't enjoy our anniversary - that it has to be such a battle."

"Mike," She interrupted softly, her voice heavy with unshed tears. "What is this key for?"

"It's for a house." He said watching her eyes grow wide. "I tried to get that house on Pearl, the one you liked so much, but it was already sold. But I found one kind of like it. I think you'll like it. I talked to the relator and if you don't, or if you'd rather pick it out, we can still do that. I didn't want to wait, though. I wanted to give you something real - not just some pretty jewelry or a bottle of perfume. I wanted to give you something important. We've been saving forever, and I got that money from my father. It's not big or fancy, but it's got plenty of room. I think you'll like it. It isn't too far from here. I'll take you there and you can decide for yourself."

"A house?" Her eyes grew wide. "Michael? I . . . that's such a big gift."

"Well, baby, I think you are giving me an even bigger one." He said taking both her hands in his.

"Wha . . .wha . . . what do you . . ."

"Honey, you're pregnant." He said at last and was shocked to find his eyes filling with tears. "There's no way you can't know that. Baby, _ I _know it."

"Mike, I . . ."

"It's okay. You don't have to explain it to me. I understand why it's hard, especially now. But it's gonna be different this time. I promise it. Everything is going to go just great."

"I'm scared." She whispered.

"Me, too." He said laughing. "But, you can't keep hiding from me. Let's be scared together."

She nodded wrapping her arms around him, and leaning against his shoulder, feeling at long last peace. "I couldn't say it. It was just like . . . it was just like . . ."

"I know, Babe. It's okay.' He said kissing her, and she allowed herself to cry all the stormy tears she'd been keeping locked inside. She felt so completely comforted in his arms. She _always_ felt so safe in his arms. She cried for awhile, listening to his soft voice whispering comfort. She could get lost in his low rumbly voice. Calming, at last, she wiped the tears from her face, sitting back from him.

"Wait. You bought a house?"

"Yeah, I did." He said laughing at himself. "It has a big back yard. There's plenty of room to play." He reach out and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "You gonna tell me now?"

"You told me." She said laughing. "That's gotta be the first time in history, a husband told his wife, she was pregnant."

"I'm a trail blazer."

"Almost four months." She said at last.

"What?" His eyes grew wide. "Honey! How long have you known?"

"I don't know. I pretend not to notice for a long time. I've been avoiding it for about two months."

"And I thought I had impressive powers of observation; a modern man in touch with the female body." He told her, shaking his head.

"Oh, you were in touch with this female body." She said laughing. "Can you take me to my house?"

"I suppose, I could." He said coyly. "But I was hoping for a kiss first."

"Yeah?" She asked smiling at him and leaning forward.

"Yeah."

She kissed him then, so at peace that there was nothing between them anymore. His hand slid from her hip to her stomach. For the first time in a long time, she didn't push his hand away, but allowed his fingers to brush over where their baby lay sleeping inside her. She closed her eyes. This, _this _is what she had hoped for three years ago before it was all taken from them. Now there was a bittersweetness to the moment. The pain of the past, coloring the joy of this time. And yet, even that, was a path they'd traveled together. A secret world known only to the two of them. The nights she'd cried, the anger he'd fought to keep at bay; it was all a part of their story. The secret world of two survivors, friends, strongly united, lovers.

"I hope it's a girl with big, brown eyes." He whispered into her hair. "I hope she is sweet, and strong just like her mama."

"Stop trying to make me cry, Danko." She said giving him a gentle shove, and throwing back the covers. "I want to see this house you bought."

"Yes, ma'am." He said moving out of her way. "Anything the lady wishes."

***R***

Jill Danko, stood, somewhat stunned still in the backyard of her house. She looked out at the green grass, and saw the yard had three trees.

"Those two are apple trees, and that's pear." Mike said pointing. He reached for her hand. "Come on, I wanna show you something else."

He led her back inside through the living room and down the hall past the rooms he had already shown her. He pushed open the door.

The room was smaller than the master bedroom they'd looked at earlier, but bigger than the office that was just down the hall. It had two windows at the corner; one facing the back yard, the other the side of the house. She could see sunlight and one of the apple trees through the window.

"This is why I bought it. I can see our baby here. The morning light is real pretty, and she can watch the light shine on the leaves when she wakes up. I bet there'll be birds in that tree, come spring, and they can sing to her." He said wistfully.

She was incapable of speech. She stood where she was trying very hard not to cry, but the tears slipped out anyhow. He glanced at her nervously, his brow wrinkled with concern.

"It's okay if you don't like it." He said softly.

"It's so . . ." She swallowed hard. "It's perfect." She turned to face him, and watched his features relax, and could see his chest swell with pride that he had done a good job.

"I'd been thinking about it all for weeks, now, but kind of rushed out impulsively. Later, I was thinking you might be angry that I didn't let you pick. I got pretty nervous." He admitted.

She said nothing, draping an arm across his shoulders. "I'm so lucky, Mike. I don't understand why, but I'm the luckiest girl who ever lived."

He laughed then. "If only I could make you feel that way every single day." He paused. "There's something I wanna . . ." He hesitated, and she turned to face him seeing, he was nervous again.

"What?" She began, but he dropped to his knee, his hands on her hips.

"Your mama and I, we picked this house just for you. This is your room." He said to her stomach, and she knew all attempts to keep herself from crying were useless. "You aren't even here yet, and we already love you so much. You're ours. Our little baby." He leaned forward kissing the slight rise of her stomach that she'd been hiding for so long.

Jill exhaled fighting a fresh wave of tears. Rising, but still holding her close, Mike faced her.

"Hey, Babe, you okay?"

She nodded unable to say a word; unable really to breathe. The perfection of this moment almost made up for the wrenching anguish of three years earlier; almost.

The memory of the two them standing together here, now would stay with her forever. She glanced around the empty house, and could see it all, just as he had. These empty rooms would be filled with the sound of their baby - someday, babies - laughing. Their first steps would take place on these floors. They would learn to pedal their bikes down this street with Mike running along beside as she stood watching nervously. She and Mike would sit up late talking, and kissing, while their children slept - laughing at the things they'd done, crying over mistakes, fighting sometimes too, but always together. She would wait, just as now, night after night, silently praying that he would walk through door safe and whole and when he, did they would swarm him with kisses and hugs - happy to be together.

"Let's make _this _our anniversary." She said at last finding her voice again. "Today. It can be like a new start." She leaned into his arms resting her head on his shoulder, listening to the familiar thumping of his heart.

"Whatever the lady wants." He said keeping his arms tight around her. "Happy anniversary, baby. I love you."

"I love you, too." She whispered back and then she was lost somewhere inside his kisses, finally at peace; healed.

***R***

"I appreciate the visit, Mrs. Danko, but I've sort of got a busy day today. I'm about two minutes late for my next meeting already." Ryker said glancing up from his desk.

"I wanted to wait for Mike. He said he'd be here." Jill said nervously. "I guess . . ."

"Mrs. Danko, if you've got something important, now would be the time." Ryker said irritably, rising and gathering papers together.

"Well, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night. Terry and Chris will be there, too. I sure hope you can join us." She said trying to hide her disappointment at his brusque demeanor. "And I had a present to give you." She self-consciously handed him the box wishing that Mike were here, and thinking that this whole idea was a foolish mistake.

"It's not my birthday." He said surprised, his tone softening. "Why would . . ."

"Just open it." She interrupted him. "It won't take a minute."

Eyebrows raised in surprise, he opened the box. He let out a soft, "Oh," all his toughness fading. He gently fingered the words on the shirt, so surprised, he was unable to speak.

"We're kind of short on family," She said shyly. "Me and Mike, I mean. I hope you don't mind, but it's how I feel. It's how Mike and I both feel." She tilted her head, and saw his expression, which filled her with bravery. She reached out and put a gentle hand on his arm. "You _don't_ mind, do you, sir?"

Setting the box aside, he said nothing, but instead wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Releasing her, he kissed her cheek not once, but twice and said huskily, "No, young lady, I don't mind one bit. I am so honored." He took her hands in his. "And I can't begin to say how happy I am. I am so happy for you, honey." He was kissing her hand, just as Mike stepped into the office. Watching the two of them, he smiled.

"Hey, trying to steal my girl?" He asked with a chuckle, and they both looked up. Embarrassed, Lieutenant Ryker, released her hands and turned back to his desk.

"Watch it, Danko." He said with his back to them. "I won't have you talking about my daughter like that." He turned around and winked at Jill on the word daughter. "Besides," He fairly crowed. "You should be congratulating me."

"Why?"

"_I'm_ gonna be a grandpa." He said holding up the shirt that read, _World's Greatest Grandpa_. "Or didn't your wife tell you?"

"She mentioned it." Mike said with a laugh. "So you are willing to accept the position?"

"Danko, you better watch your tone." Ryker shook a warning finger at him.

"Sir," The door opened and his secretary stepped in the doorway. "You are very late."

"Right." Ryker said. "I'm on my way." He turned toward Jill, and putting his hands on her shoulders said, "Thank you, honey." He kissed her forehead, and picking up his files walked out the door, pausing to give Mike's shoulder a squeeze. "I'll see you at dinner tomorrow."

***R***

"Alright, alright." Mike said. "Everybody, shut up." He glanced at Jill who sat perched on the arm of the couch and surveyed the room. His eyes rested briefly on Chris, who he had come to consider a good friend. The roookie had turned out alright. He glanced at Terry who was closer than his own brother. He'd been beside him that horrible night three years ago. He couldn't imagine his days without Terry at his side. "So, we've got some news."

"You've decided to admit that I'm a much better cop than you." Terry joked. "It was bound to happen someday, Mike. Don't feel badly. The first step is to admit the truth."

"Yeah, well living in your shadow has been a bit much, so Jill and I are moving." Mike countered.

"What?" Terry said shocked. He knew Jill and Mike had been looking at houses, but he never thought they'd really follow through. "You're moving?"

"Michael!" Jill admonished, rising and putting her hand on Terry's shoulder. "It isn't too far, and you are welcome any time."

"Hey, Babe!" Mike said. "Don't do that. He's gonna show up in his bathrobe, looking for coffee."

"You mean like normal?" She asked him.

"Hey, congratulations!" Chris said rising from the couch and shaking Mike's hand. "Homeowners! Just like actual grownups."

"Yeah, well." Mike shrugged his shoulders. "Everyone grows up sooner or later. I guess I'm just a late bloomer. 'Sides, we need another bedroom." He paused for effect, enjoying himself immensely. He gave Jill a wink, and she shook her head at him with a grin, her face pink with blush. "You see fellas, you are looking at a _father._" He hit the word hard, feeling his chest swell with pride. He watched their eyes grow wide with surprise, and his heart filled with joy as Terry leapt up out of his seat and lifted Jill right off the ground kissing her cheek.

"Oh, can I be the Uncle that corrupts him? Please?" He asked her setting her down gently.

"Oh, you've definitely got that covered." She said laughing, accepting his hug, and kissing his cheek.

"I am so happy! Out of sight!" He said to her, his eyes bright. "I sure hope that baby looks like her, Mike. That face of yours on a baby could scare folks." He crossed to Mike slapping him on the back. "Nice job, man!"

"Congratulations." Chris said to Jill, reaching out and squeezing her hand. He turned and looked across the room. "What about you Lieutenant? You are kind of quiet."

"Well," Ryker said looking down. "Someone might have mentioned it to me already." He crossed the room and put an arm around Jill's shoulders. "The house is news though - good news. It's time you got this girl of yours out of this stuffy apartment and into the fresh country air." He squeezed her shoulder.

"Yes, sir." Mike said lifting a hand in salute.

Jill smiled, glancing around the room, thinking how these men would spoil her child. _Her child_. _Baby_. She smiled, realizing that her hand was resting on her stomach, unconsciously. She turned to them and said, "Come on, fellas. Aren't you hungry? I've been working on this dinner all afternoon, so sit down."

"Yes, ma'am." Terry said obligingly. They all settled around the table, making a perfect circle. "Well, it will be interesting." Terry said as he passed the rolls around the table.

"What will?" Mike asked passing out beers to everyone but Jill and Ryker.

"Seeing Jill with a stomach!" Terry said laughing.

"You got that right!" Chris agreed. "The first thing I thought when I met her was that Mike really ought to feed her once in awhile!"

"My thoughts exactly." Terry laughed. "I bet Jill nine months pregnant barely hits the scales over 100 lbs."

"Oh, be quiet." Jill said setting the roast on the table and sitting in a chair. "I've already gained seven pounds, thank you very much."

"Oh! Seven pounds!" Terry laughed. "So you've doubled your weight?"

"Funny." Jill said. "Very funny. No one's ever thought to tease me about being skinny. You are an original." She said in mock irritation.

"I may not be original." Terry said laughing. "But I am family and you're stuck with me. You too, little baby Danko." He said shaking a finger at her stomach.

"You got that right, Webster." She agreed. "This baby's got just about enough family to keep him in line."

"Her." Mike said.

"Either way, Baby Danko's covered." Ryker agreed. "Now, will you let the poor woman eat?"


	5. Chapter 5

_Not quite six months later . . ._

Jill Danko watched Eddie Ryker pace past her hospital room for the fifth time. He peered in again, but then hesitated and turned walking away.

"For pity's sake! Would you please stop lurking and come in!"

"I'm not lurking! I was just . . . I don't want to keep you from resting." He said nervously slowly stepping into the room.

"Oh, I'm fine.." She said cheerfully. "Come on, and give me a kiss. I was hoping I would see you today."

"I . . . uh, didn't want to be a bother." He said, kissing her cheek.

"You aren't a bother." She said with a light laugh.

"Are you alright?" He asked trying to keep his voice light; trying to hide how terrified he had been.

"I'm tired and sore, but I'm fine." She looked closer at his eyes, and seeing the worry there, repeated, "I'm just fine." He leaned close then, hugging her tightly for a brief second.

"You are okay?" He asked again, stepping back.

"I promise." She said surprised by how much his concerned filled her heart. "You haven't got a thing to worry about. I am fine. The baby is fine. Not to mention I'm in a hospital surrounded by some pretty competent doctors. So, I think you can stop worrying."

"That's alright, then." He said finally appeased. "I was a tiny bit nervous." He admitted with a laugh. "But just a little."

"Eddie . . ." She began, reaching out for his hand, but was interrupted as the door to the room swung open again.

"Honey, let's have our next baby at a hospital where you _don't_ work. I swear! It took me twenty minutes to get that pack of friends of yours to let me have my own child!" Mike said as he stepped into the room. "Lieutenant! Oh! She was so hoping to see you!"

Lieutenant Ryker said nothing his eyes locked on the small bundle in Mike Danko's arms. Smiling, Mike followed Ryker's line of sight, and said, "You want to hold her?"

"Oh, I don't know if I . . ." He began.

"Go on!" Mike said stepping closer and gently setting the baby in Ryker's arms.

Ryker looked down at the baby who lay sleeping in his arms. She was tiny, her head covered in soft, brown wisps of hair. She felt so light and seemed so fragile. Watching him, Mike rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and crossed to the bed. He moved to the far side and gingerly sat beside Jill who, wiping a tear from her eye, leaned her head on Mike's shoulder.

"You tell him?" Mike asked.

"No, I was waiting for the two of you." She said softly and nudging his shoulder said, "You do it."

"Eddie Ryker," Mike said softly. "We would like you to meet Kate Danko."

"Kate?" Ryker looked up at them surprised.

"Mary Katherine Danko." Jill said softly. "But somehow she just seems like a Kate. We hope that's alright with you."

"Well . . .I . . .I . . . well . . .I" Ryker dropped his head and they were stunned to see his shoulders shake. They said nothing, waiting for the older man to get his emotions in check. Jill watched him thoughtfully, and then spoke at last.

"I was thinking the other day about well, I don't know, everything, I guess. It's not like I understand why things happened the way they did or even that I'm grateful for it. My heart was broken three years ago. You know that. It was shattered all to bits" Jill said softly. "I can't fathom why I lost my parents so young. And I can't begin to understand why your Mary Katherine was taken from you. I can't imagine the grief; the pain of that." She glanced at Mike who nodded his head in encouragement. "But all of those things did happen and shaped me; shaped my life. And shaped you and shaped your life."

Ryker looked up then, meeting her eyes, his own shimmering with unshed tears. Jill smiled warmly at him, wiping a tear that ran down her own cheek.

"But it seems to me that you and I were given second chances. And for _that _I am grateful. I worried so much that my children wouldn't have a grandfather. But she does. And I hope that this Mary Katherine, our little Mary Kate, brings you some comfort, and endless joy."

Ryker said nothing for a long minute, resting his cheek against Kate Danko's soft head. He drew in a deep breath and swallowed hard before finally looking up and saying softly, "She already does. She already does." He kissed Kate Danko, and reaching across the bed, placed her in her back into her father's arms. He moved to stand beside Jill, and laying a gentle hand on her cheek he continued, "But not nearly as much as her sweet mother - and I couldn't love you more if you were my own flesh and blood. And for this," He nodded his head at Mike and Kate, "For including me if this, I will be grateful all my days; all my days." He leaned down and gently kissed Jill's forehead, pausing a beat longer to rest his forehead against hers.

"Danko, you take good care of your girls." He said rising and looking at Mike. He turned as if to leave.

"Don't go, just yet, sir. You only just got here." Mike said.

"I'll go. Jill looks tired and I imagine little Kate will be hungry soon." Ryker said looking off in the distance. "Tonight, I'm going home and drink a glass of the scotch my wife gave me on our wedding day and remember how good it felt to dance with her in my arms." He sighed and turned to face them. "You understand how deeply I . . ."

"We love you, too." Jill said softly. "Good night, Lieutenant. Thank you for coming to see us."

"Get used to it, dear lady. I plan to spoil that little girl. Good night, Danko family."

"Good night, Sir." Mike said.

They watched him go in silence, the two of them sitting together on the hospital bed, Kate Danko resting in her father's arms. Mike glanced over at Jill.

"Are you crying?" He asked.

"A little bit." She sighed. "But you could give me a break, I had a baby less than twenty-four hours ago."

"I guess. Not really in my nature though." He looked down at Kate who decided it was a perfect moment to stretch and open her eyes. "Well, look who's awake."

"Hey, there sweetie." Jill said leaning down and giving her a kiss. She lifted the baby out of Mike's arms and into her own.

"You need anything?" Mike asked, brushing back a long dark strand of hair that had fallen across her face.

"Not one thing." She said looking up into his eyes. "I got everything I need right here."

He laughed and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, he gazed down into the face of his baby daughter.

"Me, too."


End file.
